What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
09.06.2025 01:40
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What pleasure do guys get by sucking female breasts?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
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His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Why am I so triggered and depressed over a minor thing?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
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I waited trembling.
Who then, do I blame.?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
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We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Which one is better to guys, boobs or butt?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
So whats the point in blame.
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My mum and dad in the seventies!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Why do Indian parents force their kids to do stuff?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Does anyone wear see-through clothes to show off underwear?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
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I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
How do empaths destroy narcissists?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I said to her
I don,t even have a pension.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was seconnd youngest,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I have no regrets .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
But ive been too sick for many years..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And i lived it daily.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was scared of men, in general
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She loved him until the end.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Would this be the day?
One cannot live in the past .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
This is soul school!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
What did i know ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She found it foreign!.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We were not on the streets..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It was going to be , some day.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Im still living with it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We all went to grammer schools
I had hoped to write a book about this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My family never makes their pension either.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Put me off passion for life!!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
So, i spoilt her more .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I couldn’t, believe it.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But, we were locked up after school.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was very sick at this time too.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
All the time i was locked up.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I write beautiful poetry .
My life is so biszare .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I never cut or harmed myself..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But it wasn’t much.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She married twice! .
She wouldn,t have been !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
When she asked me how she looked .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Comes on , in middle age.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He resisted the act ,that day.
He knew the spot.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Ive learnt so much.
She was in good health!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!